Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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