so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
