How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
