Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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