Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
