i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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