Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
and she was petting her beer can
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I didn't notice because vodka
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
