I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
