She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
