We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
