dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize