I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
