so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
