So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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