my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
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My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize