so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
