I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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