Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
