I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
