i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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