Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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