you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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