Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
