then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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