Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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