Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
