Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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