I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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