I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
