This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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