If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
