He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
