I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
