you guys were way drunker than both of me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
