would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
