I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
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All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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