it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
