You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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