Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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