Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
