Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
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Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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