I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
