Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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