Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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