toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He felt like a one man threesome
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize