My liver just broke up with me...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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