Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
