so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
