i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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