We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
