Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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