First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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