Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
