I got chris browned last night
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
