Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
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Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
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No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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