So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
