My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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