wat bout pragnant strippers??
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
